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For most people this year has been one full of changes and unexpected pains. Whilst COVID did very little to effect most of the areas of my life it has without question changed things in the bigger picture.

However I am not going to talk about that.

I am going to talk about the fact that life goes on and in amongst all the difficulties this year has presented us, sometimes normal life just likes to throw us the shittiest of curveballs.

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Now my job is a tough one and one I don’t talk about all that often, certainly not in specifics. This year I changed work locations, I needed to. Thing is I was worried about the move because change isn’t always comfortable. I have settled in, I think but it hasn’t been smooth sailing.

The new people I work with have been welcoming and truthfully as adults we know that we are not going to get along with everyone we work with. Which makes this place like any other place I have ever worked.

What was different, was I was thrust into a more senior position because they needed people to fill them. Very few people actually wanted to fill those roles during a period of transition because transition is difficult. However I did step up and at times felt like I was barely keeping my head above water for reasons I cannot go into.

Then I started to feel as though I was more than competently doing the job. If my line manager wanted something done he would come to me. I have been told repeatedly that I was doing a great job.

Into this mix throw a critical situation that I would have preferred not to have had to deal with but I did and it’s part of the job. I got nothing but compliments for that too.

But…

The transition period is coming to an end, and now other people want that permanent position. And it turns out that I’m not so good on paper saying look at me I’m great, give me the job. I truly feel that my ability to do the job should speak for itself. Even though really I should know better because I’ve seen this promotion process repeatedly promote people that make no sense to me.

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It was crushing. Particularly seeing as some of those who applied … oh it doesn’t matter.

Back to being crushed. People have said several times, words to the effect of  ‘but I thought you were a definite’, as if that was supposed to make me feel better. It doesn’t because now they are saying how can the writer write a bad Expression of Interest application. Crushing blow number two. So not only am I shit at my job I am also a shitty writer.

What do I do?

Well I fantasised about pitching a fit and telling them to shove it, to which my hubby looked at me, basically shook his head, asked if I felt better getting it out of my system, then asked what I was really going to do.

I love him, he keeps me grounded and focused.

So what am I going to do?

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I am going to do what I always do. Pick myself up. Look at what matters. Remind myself that it is a job that pays my bills and like most employers I am just a person who gets the job done, I am no more important, or less important, than anyone else.

Then I am going to focus on the things that make me happy; family, and the creative life. Oh and axe throwing, I do like axe throwing.

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See because life is full of these moments for most of us. And it is how we face it, pick ourselves back up and move on that matters. I will say my piece because going quietly into the night isn’t my style, and I will remind myself that if I actually had a choice in it all, my job of preference would be writing – fiction.

And maybe I need to remember a little of those writing skills when I write my next application.

I don’t give up in other areas of my life, (I still haven’t made my millions from my books, though I’m still holding onto that dream), so I won’t give up now. And I’m not the only person in life to be passed over for a promotion. In life we face the storms, buckle down and get on with things, knowing that tomorrow is another day.