Tag Archive: Life


So Many Thoughts

I have so many things spinning around in my head.

Some times it is so confusing in there. There are so many stories floating around at times. It’s difficult to focus on just one. So right now I’m working on a couple of things. First edit of book two is a current big red mess. Well the first 100 pages at any rate.

My other project I’ve not touched whilst I’ve been on leave. Instead I’ve worked on knitting and sewing projects. Creative is creative after all. I quite like doing creative things with my hands there is something incredibly satisfying in it. It is just something I don’t do very often anymore as I have so many things going on.

It can be a very full schedule when you’re a wife, mother, full time employee and a writer. Oh there is also my convention habit.

I love my life, mostly. I guess I just wish things would happen faster. I wish I was already published, I wish certain other things had gone my way and a few other things were different. Things that I don’t need the world to know but that would make my life a little easier.

Part of the problem with the internet is it is so easy to over share. I could complain about the things that have gone wrong, the problems I have, but ultimately what would be the point? Complaining online won’t solve my problems. It may be cathartic in the moment but what can it possibly achieve? It won’t fix anything, it won’t make anything go away. I don’t understand why people do it.

Whining doesn’t help in anyway. You know what does help? Getting on with life. Doing what you are good at. Fix your sights on the goal, pick yourself up out of your pity party and put one foot in front of the other. That is how you get to where you want to be.

Life for most of us is not about the quick fix, it is about the long journey. Sure there are lucky people in life, those for whom things come easy. For the rest of us we work at it. We take one step after another, stopping to recharge, refocus and step again towards that goal we hold so dear.

And Then There is Work

Perhaps one of the most frustrating things about being a writer is the fact bills still need to be paid. Even for a lot of published writers a second job is required in order for all to be covered. For me though writing is something I have to do, but as yet it contributes nothing to my bank account. So I work at a regular (or not so regular many would say) job.

It is a job that allows me flexibility to travel to conventions, which is my stress relief from the pressures of that job and general life, so that is a very good thing. I’d like to think I’m pretty good at my job, and despite its peculiarities I like my job. I just wish at times that writing contributed a little something so I could spend more time focussing on that and not need to clock in the overtime shifts in order to pay for my convention habit, and my book habit.

Ahhh the first world problems of a writer-in-training.

 

A Little Break

So, writing is a slow process, unless I suppose you are a well known and already published author. A contract has 12 to 18 months on it and that’s if things go smoothly. Sometimes things don’t go smoothly.

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They haven’t for me. I wish they had. More than anything I wish they had. My life is busy and rough enough. There are times I just get tired of pushing, pressing and moving forward. Sometimes I just want to give up.

Thing is I know well enough that I can’t walk away. I’ve been a writer, an unpublished one, for a very long time. I used to sit at my parents dining room table with an old typewriter when I was about 13 or 14 and write up my first stories. Mostly they were mystery/adventure because thats what I read. When I got older I tried my hand at bad high school romance, with characters unlike any I read because I always identified with rougher girls, more troubled girls than I read about.

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I have always written. Writing is my outlet. Sometimes there are so many ideas that I can’t keep up. If I develop even half of those ideas I am going toe busy for a very long time. Problem is I write because I have to write but there is still part of me that really wants to share my stories but I’m not willing to give all those stories away. I did start publishing a couple of stories on line years ago, but I didn’t see it through and no one seemed to care.

Publishing is a difficult mistress. Writing is a cruel bitch to be enslaved to. But I am and I find I don’t mind it much, mostly. Sometimes though the frustration. You try to hold onto the highs but the time between them is so far it can be disheartening.

During one of those lows, when my publisher had things to work through, (life interferes most inconveniently at times) I had to walk away. I was getting irritated and frustrated because nothing was moving forward.

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Creatives can’t just stop being creative though, so I walked back to the theatre. I put on another persons clothes, hair and damn four inch heels and played make believe for a little while.

It was fun and exhausting. See a writer is in many ways a homebody, this writer particularly. Oh I love being on stage, it is an amazing, adrenaline filled experience. Some of those nights though, getting myself off my couch and out of my house was a drag. The reward though… the laughter, the camaraderie, the total shedding of self to play dress up as someone totally differently.

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I love being on stage. The wonderful side effect is now I feel energised and ready to write again. I’ve been able to put pen to paper on a couple of things and feel ready to push in to the bigger ones.

Sometimes you need to step away and reinvigorate the core of you.

Life is an Awfully Big Adventure

Well it is if you want it to be I suppose.
And I want it to be.
I love my family. I love my wacked out, crazy and at times surreal life. Of all things that could happen one of the things I would hate to become is boring.
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Don’t get me wrong, some parts of my life are incredibly boring.
A writers life can be, at times, very solitary, even when you have a family and a full time job. I’m simply not much of one for going out and partying. I would much rather stay home and curl up with my hubby watching something, with my head stuck in a good book, or with a pen in hand and a notebook in front of me. I like it like this but others would find it boring.
Of course for me writing is anything but. Writing gives me the chance to escape into some amazing and fantastical places and situations. I also like to practically choreograph my fight sequences and I am blessed with a hubby who is more than happy to work on that stuff with me. On any random night we could be working out some unarmed combat, a knife fight or a sword fight. So I suppose it’s not always boring.
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Life though continues to be fun though. It can be exhausting and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I work in a high stress job and I play in the land of celebrity and pop culture.
Volunteering at SupaNova is an amazing thing for me. I have had the pleasure of meeting some wonderful actors and voice actors. I have some fun stories to tell. I have also been blessed to see fans meeting their favourite performers, it can be an incredibly touching thing. I would dare anyone to meet Peter Cullen (the voice of Optimus Prime and Eeyore), watch him with his fans and not become one yourself. I even now have a favourite dwarf. I have seen people cry and scream with delight. Say what you will about fan boys and girls but indulging in their fandom is an adventure for them and they will get the chance to say they have had moments of great joy.
It is also through this that I have made some incredible friends. In fact for me they have become very much another family to me. They get me, well bits of me that other people may not understand. That could be the key.
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In some ways many of us strive to be understood. We may say we want to be accepted but acceptance comes from understanding. Work people in my life understand parts of me, they allow me to be freer in regards to some parts of my personality than other work environments have. Let’s face it I do rather like the word ‘no’, and many jobs don’t like you using that word. Theatre people and Nova people understand the dramatic, and sometimes fangirly side of me. Of course people from both those sides accept the other side of me and it is that acceptance that really allows me to be free to enjoy the adventure in my life.
On nights like this I realise just how lucky I am. I wouldn’t say I have a lot of close friends but the ones I have are special. For those who have come into my life and who have opened their arms and accepted me, for all my quirks, moods and eccentricities, I thank you. As this year draws to an end and a new one begins, with the promise of some awesome new adventures, I look forward to sharing these with them.
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New Directions

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So this week bought with it one of those annoying curve balls.
Don’t you hate it when a sure thing becomes an impossibility. Or at least simply not going to happen at this time.
I do.
Thing is life goes on and you have a choice; you either let the crap dump all over you and beat you down or you scream and smash something then wash yourself off and start down a new path.
Me I think I’m just too damn stubborn to let the crap keep me down. I look at the steaming piles and have a tendency to shout at the world or no-one ‘is that all you’ve got! Well you’ll have to do better than that if you want to break me!’
So whilst reading something I’d started awhile ago I got an idea. A slight twist on an idea that’s simmering in the back of my mind. Well more of an addition really. I really want to do nothing more than stick my head down with a pen in my fingers and write for hours on end. The biggest problem with that is I’m tired and not really all that well. Also I have work, 5 days this week and 3 of those long ones (though one was because of family commitments). There is also the added complication of the curve ball, because that demands a lot of time now until this whole mess gets sorted out.
On the upside, when an idea is simmering in the back of your mind you are still creating. Characters are developing with every thought. Worlds are gaining dimensions and colours. Plots are twisting and layers are weaving over and through each other.
I want to write it but this story is not quite ready for that yet. Which is probably a good thing because I really just don’t have the time.
Oh and FYI I am still managing to work on my other project. Sometimes I wonder where I get the time, at least making progress only requires a few minutes to get a few sentences on paper.
A point worth remembering, progress can be measure in just the actions of a few moments.

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I’ve been really busy of late, mostly at work. 

Unfortunately life goes on and things intrude on the best laid plans. In my case; family, death, sickness and friendship. There are times the muse must be put aside and life must be seen to.

For a bit after my time off I managed to write quite consistently, but this last week and a bit it’s not gone according to plan so much.

Life though feeds us in a different way. If we are honest, even those of us who write fantasy are inspired by reality. It can sometimes be the little things that trigger amazing spurts of creativity.

Whilst I haven’t had much chance to work on my fantasy double I have had another idea that has been sitting in the melting pot that is my brain for quite a while.

It’s one of the things I love about being creative. You can’t always know where an idea will come from or where the seed will end up blooming. For me, a couple of very basic ideas have now gelled together and I have a concept for a whole other book.

Now if only I had time to get everything in my head out onto the page.

A Year Almost Gone

This has been a pretty insane year for me what with all the changes that have been in it. I have to admit this festive season simply hasn’t been conducive to writing.

Yeah I know we all need to give ourselves a break every now and then the problem is that when I don’t write I feel guilty for wasting my time.

This is a very silly thing…probably. I work shift work, 12 hour shifts, I am a wife and mother and have three blogs and review for a fourth. In between this I need to read because two of those blogs are review sites.

I try to keep on top of it I really do.

Something has to give though because quite simply as a creative type, in fact as any working person we need to allow ourselves time to unwind. I suppose a lot or even most people don’t have a problem with this. My problem though is I still really want to be a published writer. I want to finish my books, I want to get the stories out of my head and share them with others. So how do I do all that is on my schedule?

Well I’ll let you know when I figure that one out. In fact maybe it will be something I can package and sell. Nah I know how hard it is to fit in the creative in a society that expects to be entertained but isn’t all that interested in letting the creatives have the time to create.

I will come closer to my goal this year. It is inevitable I simply have to write (when I can fit it in) and the stories don’t stop even when I don’t get to put the pen to paper.

Though I suppose I did get published in a way this year, I wrote my class graduation speech (in the form of a poem) and it impressed some people enough that it got printed in the internal magazine for the organisation I work for. That’s better than nothing right?

Getting Into the Swing of Things

I’m slowly getting into the swing of things. Sadly I do mean slowly. I manage the 12 hour shifts okay and don’t feel the need to crash in bed after only being home an hour, the problem is I often actually feel like doing nothing when I do get home. Often I don’t even feel like blogging for my review sites.

The other thing is I’m trying to get back into the swing of regular exercise routine. I get that done in the morning (don’t know what is going to happen when holidays start and I don’t have the motivation to run home from the school drop off). It is so tempting to get back, shower and crash but then I get no reading or writing done.

I have made some progress though, not huge amounts but some and I guess some is better than none. Very slowly I am getting there. Of course life has a tendency to throw curve balls at us, such as rent inspections (a reschedule of the one they stuffed up) and 3 sick family members. I’m tired and just want to watch something to take me away from it all, instead I’m blogging and hopefully will get even just a couple of sentences done on the novel.

 

What A Time This Is

I made some big decisions this week. I am looking for a challenge and a career change and I’m taking steps toward this end. The upside is that with these changes my writing is also finding focus. This is a good thing.

After NaNo, I was focussed and writing and that was a great thing. Then I got my manuscript back and I was all fired up even for the big structural changes. Thing is though, while I have been writing bits here and there apart from my week off it has been slow going. Also it has been fragmented. The writing happening in scenes but not necessarily consecutive ones.

This week though I have been able to put down my book on the train and get snippets of writing done, which is how I got through NaNo. This I feel is a good thing for me. Especially as some of the scenes are starting to flow and grow.

So while some things in my life are undergoing big changes, some things will just stay the same. Writing has been such a part of my life for so long I really doubt it would be possible for me to give it up. I just wouldn’t want to. I will finish this story, I’ve invested so much into it that is would be silly not to.

Right now it seems right to say : To live is an awfully big adventure.

Update Nano

The problem with nano is sustaining it. I found the first week easy and about half of the second. Then life interfered.

I had a wedding anniversary to celebrate, (good), a calendar launch to attend (would have been good except I got sick). I got sick (bad – was thinking it would be good because I could spend all day writing, except I couldn’t focus). And my F-I-L is in hospital really sick and had surgery on friday which didn’t go so well (bad).

So now I find myself quite behind.

On the upside, I had a very productive day. I wrote about 3-4000 words, and typed up 3000. So I am at least no where near as far behind as I was worried I might be.

Yay! It would be so nice if life didn’t have to interfere with my writing, then again I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels that way.