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Today isn’t the best of days, mostly it was fine, then some news came that kind of threw me, but then I’m kind of used to life throwing me curveballs. I had a few moments of fuck it all! I’m done, I’m sick of putting myself out there and getting slapped down. It doesn’t matter if these things are public or been kept quiet enough that the only people who know about it are me and hubby, they still hurt. That is life though, isn’t it, I mean if we’re honest about it all. Sure some people seem to have it all but for most of us life is just a bit of a rollercoaster. I know I will be fine, I may want to give up but in all likelyhood I won’t, I’ll just pick myself up and throw myself back into things. All things considered though, it feels as though today is a good day to share the following that I wrote a little while ago.

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So for consideration…

Not that long ago I was involved in a thing at work that messed me up pretty bad, not physically but mentally. I thought at the time that I was dealing with it fine, I took a mental health day to process it all and then went back to work for the next regular shift 2 days later. Then it all fell apart. I was asked a few questions, received unexpected support and saw anger on my behalf and that shattered through the walls I had put up around my mind. We compartmentalise, it is one of the ways we survive.

I admitted I wasn’t coping, no easy thing even when I’m balling my eyes out at work still trying to protest that there is nothing wrong and with just a few hours off I’d be fine to get back into it. I was lucky, I had support. More than that I had understanding, more than I realised. I work with a lot of really tough people, we have to be to do our job. It’s hard for strong people to admit they need time, help or have cracked, but we need to if we want to do the job for a long time.

I realised very quickly I needed to allow myself the time to work through everything related to the incident and a few other things that had contributed to my mental health issues. I saw a Dr and then booked in my first appointment with a psych. 

There were moments I was fine with the path I was taking but there were also moments when I felt bad, like I was letting people down because I was taking time off work. I needed it. Without question I know I needed it. It took several weeks, Dr’s appointments and a couple of psych sessions. Time is a great healer, but it wasn’t just time, it was also the support I had. 

So here’s what I learnt from this experience: It doesn’t matter how strong we are mentally, it doesn’t make us impervious; admitting we need help is hard but doesn’t make us any less in any way; talking about it to outside people helps with processing that which needs to be worked through; having a support network is important – know who you can reach out to and allow them to come alongside you, support you and make you accountable.

I took my time, then I took my normal leave and did what I do on leave – reading, writing and conventions. Now I feel like I’m about ready to get back into things, except for the part of me that wishes writing could be my normal job, you know the one that pays my bills.

That all aside, the whole point of this is to let you know that sometimes it is hard to ask for help or even accept it but take it from someone who’s been there, do it! It’s not a failing, not a weakness, in fact view it as a strength, because sometimes other people’s strength is just what we need. Sometimes time and help is what gets you back to where you need to be to do that which you are meant to do.

The world needs more of you, just sometimes you don’t need to it alone.

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